Eye’ll be seeing you

I recently went to the ophthalmologist for an eye exam. It had been… ahem… five years since I’d been there. Needless to say I had some decent changes to my prescription, but the real change was that I now have an astigmatism, where I hadn’t had one before. Apparently this is a normal part of aging, and nothing to be particularly concerned about.

So yesterday I went to pick up my new glasses, which have the new prescription and the astigmatism correction, and… it’s been very very weird wearing them. They don’t quite give me a headache, but my eyes don’t seem to know how to focus in them. When I look at things, they’re clearly in focus, so the prescription is definitely right. But my eyes are confused. I’m told it can take up to two weeks to adjust to this, and they’re considerably better this morning than they were yesterday, but it’s not like putting on my old glasses where I could just SEE. Of course, my old glasses weren’t that great anymore, and I was having focusing trouble with them too, but at least it was familiar.

We’ll see how this goes over the next week or so.

 

Morning wins and losses

So, I am not recently very good at mornings. This is bad, because I get up at 5:15 and am in the car by 5:45 if my morning is going correctly.

This morning, I got up a few minutes early – very sleepy, but resigned to get my act together. I remembered to take my meds and my vitamins. I remembered to wear socks that match. I remembered to put on my minimal makeup. (I am trying to remember to wear at least BB cream, eyeliner, mascara, and blush – not so much out of societal pressure but because I like how it looks. My work is 100% okay with women not wearing makeup.) I have on a cute scarf and cute hair sticks that match my peach cardigan. I remembered all the parts of my lunch.

Got to work a few minutes early, got my (tiny) coffee. Things are going pretty good, right?

Then I realize I am here with zero jewelry on at all.

Derp.

I guess if that’s the worst thing that happens today, I’m doing pretty good, but I’m still annoyed. I was doing so well!

Goals for 2015

This year, I will drink more tea. I will read more books. I will let the cat snuggle in my lap, even when I am wearing black pants. I will do more yoga, walk more, hug more people and more trees and more cats, and breathe deeper and slower and better. I will spend more time in the sun, and more time watching it rain.

I will remember that I am a bunny, and a bunny is all I need to be.

2013 Post Mortem

It’s been awhile since I posted anything here. Almost a year, in fact, though I visit my own website to remember my own recipes pretty frequently (I think this makes me a dork, but whatever). Anyway, back two years ago, I saw TJ’s post, inspired by Sundry‘s, and I figured the internet was nothing if not a haven for creative borrowing. So I’m creatively borrowing. Again.

2013 Recap

1. What did you do in 2013 that you’d never done before?

Deadlifts.

Actually weightlifting in general is new for me. I also walked 500 miles this year (and then promptly quit tracking, and that was back in October, so I have no idea how far I actually walked).

I also got better at using my words to stand up for myself in constructive ways, and asking for what I need from people who are close to me. This isn’t really “new” (I was good at it as a kid), but it’s something I’m relearning.

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?


I made resolutions last year, at the beginning of what I now recognize was a manic swing. Resolution making when manic isn’t always wise, but these are the things I did resolve to do, and how I did at it:

  • Eat out only once per week – Fairly successful. We average one night out per week, sometimes less. 
  • Blog once per week. – Total Failure. Whatever. I blogged at another blog WAY more often than that, so I’m okay with not blogging here. I may or may not blog here more this year, now that my commitments elsewhere are less.
  • Walk at least 1 mile, three times per week. Reasonable success, if you count “work out” as walking. I completed three six-week workout challenges where I worked out 6 days a week, and other than taking pretty much all of December off, I did okay at this goal.
  • Spend at least one night per week reading. Reasonable success. I read 24 books this year, and am in the middle of #25 and 26 right now (both mythology books). I didn’t read as evenly as “one night a week”, but I did read a lot more, which was the purpose of the goal. New goal? Binge read less, habit read more.
  • Spend at least one evening per week doing a craft or hobby  Total Failure. 2013 will be known as the Year of the Moth, which happened because my yarn stash was so horribly neglected that I didn’t even go in the room it was kept in for the better part of 6 months, and am now throwing out hundreds of dollars in wool that is infested. It’s bad. 2013 will be better because I have some project deadlines approaching.
  • Meditate at least 10 minutes, two days a week Reasonable success – while I lost momentum in December, I was better about meditating this year. 
  • Unfuck my house at least once a week  We’ll go with reasonable success on this one too. While my house isn’t Better Homes and Gardens ready, it’s company ready most of the time, and while I don’t vacuum often enough, it’s nothing I can’t deal with. 2013 goal is to be better at all three steps of doing the dishes (Wash, Dry, and PUT IT AWAY, DAMMIT)

Whether I make any actual resolutions for next year remains to be seen. My guess is that I won’t – or if I do, they will be smaller, more important things.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?


No.

4. Did anyone close to you die?

No.

5. What countries did you visit?

None!

6. What would you like to have in 2014 that you lacked in 2013?

I’m honestly not sure on this one. I’d like to be better about keeping up with my relationships, and I’d like to either make peace with my commute or find a new job. (I’d prefer the former, but the latter could be exciting too).

7. What dates from 2013 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

No dates, but a couple of milestones – the day I reached Rivendell was pretty huge, the day I found Nerd Fitness and the day I found Go Kaleo (and the Eat the Food Facebook group), the day I got my dumbbells. The day I finally found a new therapist was pretty monumental. A few other days I’d rather not talk about here, but they were pretty huge too.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?


Aside from some personal (private) achievements this year, my biggest achievement is probably going from not being able to pick up the box that my dumbbells shipped in to being able to easily deadlift 80 lbs, with the rest of my lifts trailing not too far behind. I can not do a pull up (yet), but I am okay with that.

9. What was your biggest failure?

Sticking with my last answer for this one – I’m honestly not sure I have a good answer to this question. There are some things I did that didn’t go as well as I’d like, but overall, I handled 2013 proactively and with as much grace as I could muster, and I’m pretty proud of that, even if it was kind of ugly sometimes. My marriage struggled for part of this year, but I think we’re going in a good direction again.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

My biggest medical breakthrough this year was getting on a medication for neuropathic pain, which sent me from barely making it through a simple walking workout to doing bodyweight circuits and heavy lifting. While this isn’t a new illness, it was a huge breakthrough in my EDS treatment, and has resulted in a significantly improved quality of life.

11. What was the best thing you bought?

Hands down, the reindeer costume I bought for my car in December. It’s so cute! My car has a nose! And jingle bells!

On a more serious note, the set of 50lb adjustable dumbbells. They weren’t cheap, but I’ve used them for 3 months, which means they’ve paid for themselves in gym membership fees. And I’m not even close to outgrowing them except for the deadlift, so we’ll see where I go from there.

12. Where did most of your money go?

Mortgage (duh), with travel and books the other two big categories.

13. What did you get really excited about?

I struggled a lot with anhedonia this year, so there wasn’t a lot of really exciting things going around. I didn’t even really get into the holidays. I suppose my one big excitement was going to Feathermeet in Seattle in July, and getting to meet up with My People again. I’m already looking forward to next year.

Oh, and watching The Hobbit: Desolation of Smaug with my dad. That was pretty cool.

Also getting to participate in the Hand of Lothar storyline with my Feathermoon friends. Which I am still excited about, because it is still going on!

So that’s three things I got excited about. Not too bad, really, all things considered.

14. What song will always remind you of 2013?

Caro Emerald’s “Back it up”

15. Compared to this time last year, are you:


– happier or sadder? about the same
– thinner or fatter? same weight, much nicer ass (squat booty, ftw!)
– richer or poorer? about the same

16. What do you wish you’d done more of?


Meditation, spiritual seeking, and self care. Also writing. And playing the piano and knitting. Basically I wish I’d done more stuff that wasn’t mooning around on the internet because my brain is fried from work. If I’m going to moon around on the internet, I might as well at least be writing stories with my friends, right?

17. What do you wish you’d done less of?


Doing nothing, while wishing I wanted to be doing something (especially something I used to enjoy).

18. How did you spend Christmas?

With my family at my parents’ new house in Ft Worth. It was fun, but a little more crazy than I was prepared to handle. I’m still recovering. (And no, the Fart Piano did not come home with me.)

19. What was your favorite TV program?

No idea. The TV program I watched the most of would be the Astros games. Does that count?

20. What were your favorite books of the year?

Hands down, Kevin Hearne’s The Iron Druid Chronicles, though Seannan McGuire’s Discount Armageddon was a close second. I’ve a new genre to explore (Urban Fantasy)! For 2014, I’m looking forward to my friend’s debut novel Night Owls and reading more Seannan McGuire (and Mira Grant). Also reading more mythology. I’m on a serious mythology kick.

21. What was your favorite music from this year?


I didn’t listen to very much new music this year, and if anything, I spent more time listening to Audio Books (in my car) than I did listening to music. This is unusual, and I hope 2014 is more musical.

22. What were your favorite films of the year?

I saw only one film this year, so it gets to be my favorite (and it’d probably be my favorite anyway): The Hobbit. (Yes, I know it has problems, and we can discuss them another time. But I was highly entertained by both Hobbit films, and am looking to go watch Desolation of Smaug again on my own in the coming week or so)

23. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

I turned 29, and I did… nothing? I don’t remember, so whatever it was, it wasn’t particularly memorable.

Also, I am turning 30 this year, and this is your warning, people who know me – I do not like surprises. AT ALL. Do not plan me a surprise party. What’s AT the party can be a surprise, but I do not want to be jumped out at, unless you want me to have a panic attack. Please do not give me a panic attack in your attempt to help me celebrate being older. (Just say “we’re planning a party for you on the 3rd at 6pm, but we don’t want to tell you about it, please show up dressed in something casual with comfy shoes” or whatever. This way I can be prepared to be surprised. Everyone will be happier that way.)

24. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

Finding the right therapist sooner. I’d like to say “not being crazy in the brainpan”, but I’m not sure that’s one of those things I can really change.

25. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2013?

“Doesn’t fit”. My clothes this year have gone from too tight, to too big, to too tight again, as my body has changed shape. Pants that were too tight in the waist became big enough to pull off without unbuttoning them, followed by becoming tight in the thighs/butt and fitting again. I am overall the same size and weight that I was, but my shape has changed. Since I’m focusing on body recomposition (building muscle without losing or gaining weight), this is ideal, but it’s hell on my wardrobe. Until yesterday, I was down to one pair of work pants that fit. I went shopping, and now have some more options. Mostly I wear “professional casual” clothes – I am not a fashionista, by any stretch, and I generally wear comfy shoes and warm socks, dress slacks, and a sweater or cardigan.

26. What kept you sane?

My husband, my friends, my cats, and my family. And my new therapist. She’s pretty awesome. (And … a much better therapist than the old therapist). Also my spirituality, which underwent a lot of changes this year, in a really good (but hard to talk about) way.

27. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2013.


Sometimes it takes showing someone how bad it is for them to be able to help you.

Also, never be afraid to give up an idea that is no longer serving you. You’re allowed to change your mind, your beliefs, and your thoughts. It’s very freeing to accept that.