Comments on: Communication

By: Anna

Anna — Sat, 24 Oct 2009 16:15:50 +0000

@Naithin – That’s an excellent addition actually. And very true

By: Naithin

Naithin — Sat, 24 Oct 2009 07:11:35 +0000

I’ve came to this comment box, started, and deleted several times now. Primarily because I don’t yet know you all /that/ well and thus didn’t end up wanting to become one of those that fall within the content of your post. I only ended up here through Arrens’ post and link.

Besides that, all I really had to say before was that I totally approved and agreed, and heaven help me if I ever DID end up within this list of behaviours, don’t hesitate in letting me know in no uncertain terms.

Now though, I have one to add to the list. It’s one I faced a long time ago during AC1 and SB for that matter when I was a GL. It’s happening again now though with someone sometimes:

—

If I don’t answer you, don’t login to play with you when I’m at home and otherwise occupied, or otherwise don’t respond to you in the way you want, it isn’t because I hate you, no longer find your company to be pleasant.. However.. Constantly saying these things for reassurance will quickly make them a self fulfilling prophecy.

By: Communication Recommendations | Through the Eyes of Death

Communication Recommendations | Through the Eyes of Death — Tue, 20 Oct 2009 12:56:12 +0000

[...] week, Anna posted about communication troubles she’s had dealing with random people on this wonderful tool known as the Internet. If you [...]

By: Itanya Blade

Itanya Blade — Fri, 16 Oct 2009 17:52:37 +0000

Hey, Anytime I am being a bother, I will gladly take being told to get lost as a hint. I do have a tendancy to PM you with random silly stuff that’s off the wall. Not everyone has time for it.

But Marty said it best, boundaries are important and if someone can’t respect the “i’m busy right now.” yadda yadda. That’s something they need to deal with.

By: Brad

Brad — Thu, 15 Oct 2009 12:30:12 +0000

I can completley relate to closing a chat window unsent out of concern for coming across badly. I can’t count the times I have had a little text box all filled out, only to not hit send.

Actually that’s one of the reasons I rarely comment on peoples sites, despite knowing how much I enjoy the comments I get. I don’t want to offend, or come across as the creepy stalker guy.

Just figured I would let you know that I agree with you, well said.

/Signed

By: Natalie

Natalie — Wed, 14 Oct 2009 23:26:07 +0000

Brava, chica! I applaud this entire article. The only thing I wouldn’t have changed was your disclaimer at the top of it (“this probably isn’t about you”). I would have flipped it around because now people who don’t realize their jerks will think, “Oh, well, she’s not talking about ME.” Whereas if you flip it, everyone reads themselves into it and will therefore be more aware of their own behavior. But back to your point: this is why I no longer sit on IM. Intermittent chatting adds to our society’s trend toward A.D.D. and washed-out, trivialized communication. I’m over twitter and facebook and (mostly) IM. Sheez… maybe this is a spark post for me… In any event, thanks for writing this. You go, girl!

By: Steve

Steve — Wed, 14 Oct 2009 18:09:25 +0000

Okay, first, I saw “Arrens’” comment above, and I started wondering how I’d already commented.

Second, if one of those closed chat windows was to me (and even if it wasn’t), you should know that in those circumstances I’m totally approachable.

Third, /sign. (Fortunately, I don’t have those kinds of groupies. *knock wood*)

By: Anna

Anna — Wed, 14 Oct 2009 17:32:29 +0000

@TJ – I don’t mind post-length comments at all – and I appreciate hearing from you. When it comes to blogging, you know what’s what.

I just need to get better at communicating this to people. And find people that are better at taking hints, I think…

By: TJ

TJ — Wed, 14 Oct 2009 17:30:06 +0000

Great post, Anna. A situation like this was the reason I actually shut down my old blog. Phil and I have talked about it before, and we think that, especially with blogging, a lot of it stems from the “one to many” aspect of blogging.

I get emails from people who tell me “We would be such good friends in real life!” and they talk to me like they know me so well. I talk directly to people, through my blog, every single day, and it comes across as a one to one relationship. It’s hard to grasp the concept that it is not one to one on my side. Not that the idea horrifies me, or I’m snotty about it, but I’m relating one to many while people are relating back to me one to one. It’s hard for someone on the blog reader side to really realize that the relationship doesn’t go two ways.

This isn’t to say that as a blogging, I’m above being friends with everyone who reads my blog. I’m NOT. I’m definitely not. But as an example, there is what Phil and I went through at the start of our relationship, after he’d been reading my blog for a year. He was friendly, and personable and familiar, and getting a really prickly, standoffish attitude in return. It took me a while to gently get him to the point where he understood that “Look, I know you know a lot about me, and I know that makes you feel close to me, but I DON’T KNOW YOU.”

I often get the people who realize they can IM me or talk to me in gtalk, and I always say hi and what’s up and talk for a minute. More often than not, this turns into someone wanting to converse every single day. Just like you, I want to be careful not to be a jerk here… but you see just how often I appear on AIM.

And… whoops. I just realized this was blog post length in your blog comments.

Mah bad!

By: Steve

Steve — Wed, 14 Oct 2009 17:13:23 +0000

Some people -need- to be driven off though. Like those people who do craptastic crap as mentioned in your post. I once again give 2 very hearty thumbs up.