Self Acceptance

In: CrazyBrain

28 Nov 2011

Lots of self-help and counseling programs talk about the value of self acceptance. To be honest, it’s a concept I’m only just beginning to understand.

It’s hard to “love yourself” when you don’t feel very lovable. I was talking about it with my mom though, and she said something that made me kind of re-think the whole self-love thing. That maybe it wasn’t about finding yourself lovable with all the crap that’s going on, but finding yourself worthy of being loved for your human-ness. It’s not about accepting all the shit in your life, but accepting that you’re a human being, and that you’ll deal with it as best you can, and you are worth accepting yourself for that.

I really struggle with this whole idea, even down to having a mental battle when I do things to “take care of myself” (like going to the gym). I’m hoping that reframing it a bit will help with the immense motivation it takes to do the self-care things I need to do to stay healthy. Maybe instead of seeing self-acceptance as “I have to think I’m awesome” (which I can’t do most of the time), I can see it as “I can accept my humanity” will help change some of the ingrained thoughts and beliefs that are so very very very hard to shake.

Three years ago this week, SSH and I started looking for our house. We knew we needed to move, as Hurricane Ike had well demonstrated the struggles our more coastal area would have with any kind of tropical storm, and we knew that around the first of the year we’d be able to start really looking for a home. It was a learning time for both of us, filled with books about houses, phone calls to family members, internet house listings and house-hunting programs on TV.

Something I didn’t expect to be so significant about being in a house, versus an apartment, was the level of “ours-ness” that would come about as we both added our own style to the house and as we changed with it through the seasons. I can’t speak for SSH, but setting up the house for the holidays this year brought back memories of our last two holiday seasons here, and how things are so different for us now than they were three years ago, or two years ago, or even last year.

The more memories we have here, and the more time we spend, plus the work we’ve put into making this place ours – the house feels more and more like a reflection of us. The gardens, especially, make me feel plugged into this little chunk of land with our house on it.

Decorating for the holidays, I realized that there are some decorations that no longer fit anymore, and others that I may not have put out in the past that seem to fit better now.

The out of place things stick out more than they used to, since I feel so settled in.

I am, at my core, a homebody. I enjoy traveling to new places, but I don’t have the wanderlust, the sense of adventure that some of my other family members seem to have. I like my home, and being able to return to that home is one of the highlights of a long trip. The safety and security of my own place is something that I treasure, especially during the winter months.

Seeing the house decorated for the winter holidays only reinforces how much at home I feel here, and how thankful I am to have it.

 

So here’s a picture of me with a cat on my head.

(he did this of his own accord)

Ursa Alumna

In: SPORTSBALL

25 Nov 2011

Being that today is all about football* here in the US (for anyone who isn’t out shopping), I thought I’d talk a little bit about being an alumna from a Big 12 school.

I frequently tell people I don’t like football, that I’m really just a baseball fan. That’s only half true – I don’t like all the woo-ha that goes into football. I got pretty burned out on it in High School, where I missed three games in four years, having had knee surgery, and in those four years my school went to the playoffs every year. Football started with marching band on August 1, and went every week until (usually) mid-December.

So when I got to college, I just didn’t have any “school spirit” left – I didn’t care anymore. I went to one football game the entire time I was at Baylor, and that one I left partway through. It just wasn’t my thing anymore.

As an alumna though, I find that I pay more attention to Baylor sports than I did when I was actually there on campus. I’m certainly not as into it as I am baseball, and the season is a lot shorter and there are a lot fewer games, but I watch them whenever I get the chance – which is helped by the fact that they’re in the Big 12 and a “local” school, so the games are almost always televised.

Part of my enthusiasm is, I’m sorry to say, that Baylor sucks a lot less than they did when I was actually on campus. It was kind of demoralizing to hear about losing repeatedly. In fact, it was generally just easier not to go, and to wait and see if they lit Pat Neff Hall up with green lights and rang the bells at 11pm. Then you could be happy about a win, but otherwise you didn’t have to be involved.

*****

This post is prompted by the fact that Baylor, on Saturday, did something that they’ve never done in the history of the school.

Baylor beat OU, 45-38. The previous record was 0-20 against Oklahoma. The current record is 1-20.

I almost didn’t watch the game, because I had other things to do (see: yesterday’s post about Thanksgiving), but I decided that I had some writing to do, so I’d sit with my laptop and give the Bears some time.

Boy howdy am I glad I did.

(Of course, I’m not going to watch much football today, because I only really care about college football, and I only REALLY care about Baylor, but still. It seemed a good day to make a football post and lose half my followers for being a sports fan. That’s been the theme this week I guess!)

*I’m speaking of American Football here, since that’s the game that’s a Big Deal today.

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Hi! I'm Anna.
I ramble, have too many hobbies, and post anything that strikes my fancy. On any given day, I might be knitting, sewing, working on my house, presenting a recipe or discussing something deeper. Though maybe food can be pretty deep too.
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NaBloPoMo 2011

NaBloPoMo 2011

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