Anxiety Hunger Trick

I have major issues with anxiety sometimes. Often, when I get really anxious, I am repulsed by food and don’t want to eat.

This is a major issue if I am lifting heavy, since I want to build muscle, and that requires calories and protein every day.

Last night I got home from work and the anxiety settled on my shoulders like a blanket, and I couldn’t stand the thought of food, even though I’d only eaten about 1500 calories so far that day. I know I need more food than that, but it was just gross to think about eating. I mentioned this on a weightlifting group I’m in, and they suggested I try having some pure sugar – just a spoonful of honey or a sugar cube – and waiting 15-20 minutes to see if I felt like eating.

I figured it couldn’t hurt. I mean – it’s honey. Either it would do nothing, or I might feel better. And sure enough, I felt better – and hungry – after about 15 minutes. I probably ate half a tablespoon of honey or so, not a whole lot, and then within 15 minutes I felt like I could handle some food. So I made myself a chicken quesadilla (since SSH had already eaten by then), and felt MUCH better.

So if you’re ever in a mind space where you know you need to eat something, but are not really able to convince yourself to eat, try giving your body just a little bit of sugar. I’m not sure WHY it works, but it sure did work for me.

What I’m not eating anymore

Food is such a weird subject sometimes. It’s hard to keep what you’re eating straight most of the time, between all the pseudo news science and fad diets, organic versus local versus whatever you can afford, food allergies and new labels and what the hell is a Xanthan anyway, and why is it gummy?

Labels on food have been kind of eyeroll-inducing for awhile, but it seems to be getting worse lately. I’ve seen trans-fat free labels on blueberries and fat free stickers on bananas, gluten free vegetables – and that’s just the produce department. Packaged foods are now telling me how many grams of whole grain are in them, even going so far as to sell sweetened, packaged, enriched bleached flour children’s cereal as “part of a healthy breakfast” because they have “whole grains”.

So perhaps it’s not so strange that I’d eyeroll at all those labels and ignore them, cracking it all up to food fads and secretly making sarcastic remarks in my head.

(This is where I’d do a cool segue if I could think of one, and it would be sophisticated and thoughtful and you’d all love me for my transitional abilities. But I can’t think of one. So.

Segues are for suckers.)

Approximately one week ago, I finally got something resembling a diagnosis for my chronic pain, fatigue, and other issues. One of those issues is a tummy issue, and I’ll avoid TMI’ing you overmuch, but let’s just say that my system worked overtime, all the time, and I’d be running to the bathroom 4-6 times a day on a normal day. Which is pretty disrupting, all things considered, especially when you can’t move very fast because your joints hurt.

SO.

Doctor put me on new medication, told me I have to swim several times a week, gave me a bunch of activity restrictions… and told me to go gluten free for 3 months.

Three months, no gluten AT ALL. Not “a little bit every now and then”. Not “if you feel better you can cheat a little”.

None.

I woke up last Thursday morning and went through my pantry, trying to figure out what I could eat. I literally had NO IDEA where to start. Even as someone who eats a lot of whole foods, I couldn’t eat any of my breakfast staples – no oatmeal, no granola bars, no cereal, no multi-grain muffins.

I ended up eating a banana and an egg.

Friday, I went grocery shopping, and I found myself feeling kind of like an asshole about rolling my eyes at the gluten free labels.

Maybe not on the strawberries (no duh?), but on packaged goods? All of a sudden I was floundering like an idiot, thrown head first into this exclusion diet where nearly every packaged item we eat contains gluten (anything with soy sauce, anything with MSG, anything with maltodextrin or malt sweeteners, anything that uses a food starch anti-caking agent for those anonymous “spices”).

Those “Gluten Free!” labels became a little lifeline, a little sanity break that meant I didn’t have to grill my brain to remember which of the various ingredients might have gluten, or be processed in such a way as to be easily contaminated with gluten (like white vinegar).

So far I’m not sure what to think of eating gluten free. It’s a huge mental process, and I seem to vacillate between “I can do this”, “I will never be able to eat anything again”, and “Why am I bothering?”

I definitely don’t roll my eyes at the Gluten Free labels anymore.

Though I do still make snide remarks in my head about trans-fat free blueberries…

 

Random Hug Distribution

Today, a few people that I think ought to get awards/hugs, because they have created or done something that makes my life more wonderful on a daily basis.

  • The person(s) who invented scoopable, flushable kitty litter.  No longer do I have bags of poo in my trash.  Just flush ’em away!
  • The person(s) who invented stacking, locking-lid plastic storage containers. When we moved, we had to pitch a lot of nasty, melted storage things.  I bought a new set.  My “tupperware graveyard” is gone, and in its place are neatly stacked containers with their matching lids.
  • The person(s) at Google that thought up Google Documents, making blog posting, story sharing, and writing collaboration easier than ever.
  • (The) God(s) for inventing raspberries.  Nom nom nom.

… I had other things but I can’t think of them now, so I’ll probably just edit this to add them back in later.  Gah!