The things in the back of the closet

Mild CW: Talk of changing size and weight loss (though not dieting)

I am taking a small personal trip this week to see my Nana for her 94th birthday (tomorrow),and to celebrate my grandfather’s passing with the rest of my family. (Pop Pop passed in February, and his death is a whole post on its own. For another time.) I didn’t really think too much about it until today, when I sat down to pack, and realized… I’m going to a funeral with my Baptist family. I need FUNERAL CLOTHING.

In the last 18 months or so, I’ve gone from a size 20-22 to a size 12-14. Last summer, when I was buying interview clothes, I was a size 16-18.

So when I went into my closet to try to patch together something I could wear, I realized three very uncomfortable things.

  1. I wear a lot of bold, colorful clothing
  2. None of my dress clothes fit at all
  3. I am booked straight through until 6pm tonight and there’s not really a way for me to go buy something

This was not a particularly pleasant thing to realize at 8:30 in the morning when I should have been thinking about a travel capsule wardrobe and not whether or not I’m going to have to dress totally inappropriately as the eldest (and black sheep) grandchild at a funeral.

My first thought was to try on my interview pants, which I’d intentionally bought a little snug, and I am relieved to know that they, at least, are still wearable with a belt. However, I do not own a single article of appropriate workwear that I could wear WITH those pants, because they are navy. If they were black, I would have been okay, I think, as I own a number of black tops. But my blouses that I have that go with navy are: white with silver and blue accents, fuchsia with white and black flowers, and electric orange with navy speckles. Not funeral wear.

Next thought was to go through my dresses and see if I could make anything work. For a long time I wore very little that wasn’t an eShakti cotton knit dress in a solid color. Problem is, all the ones from when I wore a 12-14 got pretty threadbare and I turned them into rags a few years ago, and the ones I replaced them with are… 2+ sizes too big. I tried on a wrap dress that I could possibly have made work, but apparently the entirety of my weight loss was in my bust, so it looked pretty silly.

Still I pressed on.

Surely, in my lovely closet, there was ONE THING that I could wear that would be appropriate for a funeral in August.

And truthfully there were two things, though one of them I’ve decided is too casual. I apparently saved two of the dresses that were in better shape from those halcyon days when I lived with my ex in Houston. Both are black, and while they’re a little faded, I kind of can’t be picky right now. The nicer of the two is a gorgeous wide v-neck (and v-back) dress with buttons down the front, a nipped in waistline, and a full skirt that hits just below my kneecap. It’s cap-sleeved, but my mom was consulted, and she says that this won’t be such a conservative affair that my bare arms will cause a scandal. (My tattoos peeking out of the v-back in the dress might, but I’ve decided that’s not my problem.)

I’m bringing a large, black and white square cotton scarf to wrap around me to add a little dimension and color (and also in case someone gets funny about my arms). And if anyone gives me crap for wearing flats, I’m going to offer to stab them in the feet. I have chronic pain. Heels are NOT in my vocabulary anymore.

So I’ll be dressed appropriately, or appropriately enough.

Next challenge: On Sunday, I’m going to visit a buddy I haven’t seen since 2009 and help him paint his son’s room in his brand new (to him) house.

Maybe I can bring something that’s 2+ sizes too big, expect to get paint on it, and just throw it away!

The things in the back of the closet
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